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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?


#1205

In case you missed it, luckily Pixie Games saw the funny side but apparently someone did contact Gamelyn Games for verification…


#1206


#1207

There are loads of amazing pub names. The Dew Drop Inn is another favourite pun. There used to be a pub in East London called The Romping Donkey which amuses me for no readily rational reason.


#1208

The Far Canal near Somerton is my absolute favourite pub name.


#1209

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only only one carrion allowed per passenger.”


#1210

Also not a joke (sorry, folks) my oldest screen persona is named after “Durty Nellie’s.” It’s a pub in Gainesville, FL, named after (apparently) several pubs in Ireland.


#1211

OK, joke time again!

I was recently attacked by a bunch of circus performers.
But I remembered what to do to win: “go for the juggler!”


#1212

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam! … "


#1213

The other fish notices a large crack in the wall, and says “dam it!”


#1214

A sick burn for my 8 year old (I wouldn’t actually do this…or would I ?!?)

No, I wouldn’t, I’ll do it on my 21-year-old, but here it is anyway!

"Be careful with that vinegar for your baking-soda volcano science project, kiddo!"
"Why, dad?"
"Because it’s an acid and you’re so BASIC!"
(cue shade and appropriate dubstep outro music)

(I am a horrible father)


#1215

(I am a horrible father)

I always take a picture of my kids beside signs by the road that say “Slow Children”


#1216

That’s always been one of my favorite signs.

Also, when camping: “WARNING BEARS.”

I’ve always thought of bears with yellow spinning lights on their hats that are trying to keep you away from some sort of hazard.

Like, a bear that growls at you “GrrrroGGla, Groflagh! (the bridge is out)”.

(also, again, not a joke, this is a real thing I thought up when I was in Boy Scouts. Sorry, I’ll try to post real jokes again next time).


#1217

Arrgh, I’m sorry, this is also a real thing that happened.

I was talking with my youngest son’s mom, who is clever and often hilarious, and the subject of my motorbike injury came up (I was totally alone when I needed help, it was bad). I told her that I kept my calm because of my training in first aid as a Boy Scout (and actually having to apply that on several occasions to others and myself), and she said:

Well, it’s a good thing you were there!


#1218

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.


#1219

Awful.

Are you aware that William Penn, the man who was given what eventually would become Pennsylvania, had two aunts? They would bake pies and sell them to raise money for various causes and charities… but the thing is, the aunts didn’t really like each other, so they would have competitions to see who could raise more money.

This, of course, led to a price-war, as each strove to outdo the other in selling more and more pies. It was actually quite successful at the time, as people would come to town from miles and miles around, wanting to see the pie-rates of Penn’s aunts.


#1220

BANNED!


#1221

BANNED!


#1222

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


#1223

I call repeated joke. I can’t be arsed to look it up over the last few years of posts, I have to go back to work. But that one is a re-run, I believe.

(It’s not less funny because of that.)

(EDIT: @penguin_lx is the culprit! So, I suppose I could be arsed.)


#1224

Fine, in that case, have:

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri.”

“No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri doc.”