Yep. He just rests his bones anywhere he wants.
How did the skeleton weatherman know it was going to rain on Halloween?
He could feel it in his bones.
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He just didn’t have the stomach for it. He became a lumbarjack.
Please understand @MinuteWalt, I am just trying to be humerus, don’t be too sternum.
Oh I heard about him. His specialty was cutting down s-pine trees.
Why did the pine tree cry during romantic movies?
He was really sappy.
Why did everyone leave the Dog Orchestra’s concert between their performance of Symphony No. 9 and The Well Tempered Clavier?
Their Bach was worse than their Beethoven
Where did Kylie get her kebabs?
Jason’s Doner Van.
If you’re not from the uk, sorry and if you are, sorry.
Sorry, I get 0% of pop-culture references if it has someone’s name in it, no matter what the country of origin. (I don’t watch regular TV anymore, there’s an underdeveloped part of my brain that won’t retain celebrity.)
I’d hate for you to ruin the joke by explaining it, but could you spoiler-text it or PM me? I have no idea.
It’s a pun about this man’s last name - Jason Donovan:
They are the UK’s biggest celebrities, a pair of Australian actors (Shakespeare, mostly) who are beloved by the entire country and will be together forever. They recently released a song together, nothing, literally nothing can go wrong after this:
What do you call a feline on the witness stand?
Lion under oath.
I had to stop that video at 48 seconds, I felt ill (not a joke, I seriously could not handle it, and I have a touch of the flu right now which made it so much worse.)
Did you hear about the Eggnog that got arrested?
It was taken into custody.
Which of Santa’s reindeer needs to mind his manners the most?
Orion’s Belt. What a waist of space
Saw this one today, and it’s all too accurate:
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
I’ve had really sore feet recently, so my wife bought me some orthopaedic shoes. I didn’t think they’d help, but I stand corrected.
It’s always in the last place you look, amiright? (Typically on Amazon).
Hopefully it’s in the last place that you look…otherwise why are you still looking?
That’s kind of the point of that joke, although I do have to admit I’ve kept looking for my keys after I’ve found them and put them in my pocket before (also, I’ve put the ice cream in the cupboard and the bowl in the freezer once, too. I did get it sorted before the ice cream melted, but it was a close thing, and the bowl froze to my hand. I need to stop trying to think about 5 things at once, the ice cream was way more important than fixing my client’s anti-virus).
In the spirit of the season, one of today’s Christmas Cracker jokes:
What do you call a cat that lives in the desert?
(Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays y’all)
Turns out my friend Dave is having an affair with his girlfriends twin. I asked him how he tells them apart…
“Well, Tina has beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes, and Mike has a beard.”
(Source : Cleaned up from Twiiter)