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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?


#1085

It took me a bit, but yes, I get why that would be funny.

Sorry, I always regret the act of needing to explain a joke! You took one in the arm, IMHO.

Thank you for that. This was a cultural thing, and went a bit beyond being divided by a common language, unlike “bonnet” vs. “hood” on a “lorry” vs. “truck.”

(Even when they’re made of “aluminum!” :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:)


#1086

I think lorry and truck aren’t quite one for the other, we would call something with a flat bed or a crane on the back a truck but if it has a box then it’s a lorry. Unless that box is a cargo container, then it’s a truck.

Anyway, it’s a joke thread, so: Truckers like houses with long haulways.


#1087

My wife asked for a double entendre for her birthday, so I gave her one.


#1088

What do you call a bear with no ears?

A b.


#1089

(We just call them both trucks, and then get really weirdly specific about what kind of trucks they are. Garbage, flatbed, pickup, moving, cab, bed, skateboard, etc.)


@skeletor

What to you call a b with no bears?

The worst Winnie-the-Pooh story ever.


#1090

OK this is an old one I’m stealing from Steve Martin, who is actually a very accomplished player of the banjo (seriously, look it up, he’s really good). I was practicing banjo lately (and the ukulele, which this can be easily modified for), and it put me in mind of this. (I’m paraphrasing, here, this is from an old interview I watched recently).

He was explaining the difference between the banjo and the guitar.

A banjo has four strings, and what is basically a drum head which produces the resonance from the strings, while a guitar can get you laid.


#1091

The 80’s were a golden age for American comedy.


#1092

Steve Martin and Martin Short have actually been touring the past few years, doing a mix of bluegrass and comedy routine. I was really tempted to pick up tickets when they were in my town a year or so ago, but I really couldn’t justify the expenditure at the time. Too bad, since when am I going to have a chance to see icons like them again?


#1093

Oddly, on Netflix! The tour was videoed and… Its alright.


#1094

There’s a version on Netflix


#1095

One roman guy says to the other, “guess how many women I’ve slept with?”

2nd roman guy, not particularly listening says, “Mmm?”

Roman no.1 “Bloody he’ll, not that many! Who do you think I am?!”


#1096

I know, it coincided with a revival of my long term obsession with The Three Amigos. I’m sorry you didn’t get to go.

Yes. It’s like, “eh, that was fine.” It wasn’t great, but it was perfectly OK.


I’ll post another one of Martin’s, from back when he was still funny and relevant, since we’re on the subject:

I gave my cat a bath the other day… he loved it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me.
The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…


#1097

I used to love the film Planes, Trains and Automobiles, thinking it was Steve Martin who made the film. After watching a few more of him movies I realized it was the late, great, JohnCandy who was the real centre of the film. (Not that I don’t like Steve Martin - Roxanne was great!)

Top scene…


#1098

That is the most memorable scene in the film. “Those aren’t pillows!!!” It was a great buddy movie.

I agree, John Candy was the actor who pulled everything into place there.

He was only 43 when he left us.

And now I’m sad, thanks @MrJackdaw! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


#1099

Why is it, every few days, I find yet another reason to accuse you of being me.

Used to? That’s one of my Christmas staples!


#1100

When I say love I mean worship. I used to watch it daily when I was a youth. I haven’t seen it in a long time now…

The next obsession was A Knight’s Tale… Know that one?


#1101

That was one of my “watch daily” obsessions for a couple of years, which is odd, because normally, back then I couldn’t stand it when something wasn’t serious that I thought should be or was too into pop culture, but that one won me over! It had football chanting in, and I liked it, that is genuinely a miracle! “Lichtenstein… Lichtenstein!”

Did you know their lances were made from spaghetti!

EDIT: It’s a joke thread, so:

Cow 1: My grandfather was a knight
Cow 2: I’ve never heard such a lie in all my life
Cow 1: It’s true, his name was Sir Loin

What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render.

What do Richard the Lionheart and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Answer: The same middle name!

What do you call it when Knights get up and change their seats at the Round Table?
Answer: The Knight Shift

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Answer: Because there were so many knights!

Is there any proof that people played tennis in Tudor Times?
Answer: YES! Many people served in Henry VIII’s Court!

Which English King invented the fireplace?
Answer: Alfred the Grate!

What was Camelot known for?
Answer: Its Knight life!

Why did the King go to the dentist?
Answer: To get his teeth crowned!

Have you ever seen a Duchess?
Answer: Yes… it’s the same as an English “S”.

What member of the royal family should always carry an umbrella?
Answer: the Reigning Monarch!

The biggest Knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.


#1102

Oh, jeezy creezy, @SleepyWill you are so perma-banned right now…


#1103

Human #1: Do you have any holes in your socks?

Human #2: No, of course not.

Human #1: Then how did you get them on your feet?


#1104

Yes! I “watched” the yak track more times than the movie! “My entrance is my entrance” etc!


To those listening in - A Knights Tale is a brilliant popcorn movie!