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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?


#1065

Hmmm. You have a point…


#1066

I really need to erase this conversation from my mind. :yum:


#1067

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…then you need to sell tickets because you just found a talking duck.

EDIT: This isn’t a joke per se but my wife lined three flowerbeds on three different side of the house with rocks. She’s out with her friends and didn’t take a key (she doesn’t like purses) and she said if I go to bed before she comes back to hide a key for her and I’m tempted to tell her that I’m going to bed and left a key under the rock outside…is that mean?


#1068

Hmmm. before I answer your question, may I ask: Do you enjoy sex?

If no: heck, go for it! Definitely worth a laugh!


#1069

If you can sleep in a flowerbed, go for it.


#1070

Back to dumb jokes, which I realize have been focused on nerdy subjects, but I ain’t really the person to complain about that to, unfortunately.
(Actually, I am one of those people, but, come on, roll with me here…)

Remember,
YOU MATTER!
Until you accelerate to the speed of light, then YOU ENERGY.


#1071

Ken asked Ryu if he could borrow his car.

Ryu told him, "Shoryuken!"

(Then he handed him the keys, it was fine.)


(in retrospect, this joke works a lot better out loud. sorry folks)


#1072

Not so much a joke as an amusing piece of my past, but:

When I first started university (back in dark, ancient 1998), I started studying Kung Fu because I wanted to be healthier. One of the more advanced students, named Dave, was a nice guy, and the teacher had him walk me through my first sparring match.

I bow, we raise our fists, and then I immediately say out loud “Light Punch, Light Punch, SHORYUKEN!” (and do the motions: jab, jab, fireball launch).

Dave laughs, steps back, and shouts “TATSUMAKI SENPUU KYAKU!” and then ACTUALLY DOES THE HURRICANE KICK (only two rotations, but still!).

We’re still friends.


#1073

That’s amazing :rofl::rofl::rofl:


#1074

An electrician had two children, a transistor and a tranbrother.

(rimshot!)


#1075

As a father, I approve and endorse all of the above. My offering:

My wife told me she was leaving me because I kept pretending to be a transformer. I said “Don’t go, I can change.”


#1076

In my defense I think of things that I’m like “that’s a funny idea” but I don’t do it because it would be cruel in action. I just later tell me wife about it and we laugh. The bad thing is I told her about @Marx09 and @MinuteWalt’s response. After I told her @MinuteWalt’s response of sleeping in the flower bed she paused and said “Wait…do I have that much power?” My response was “ummm…pretty much” while in my head it was a Darth Vader Noooooo. Well it was fun while it lasted. :sob:


#1077

I feel for you, my friend. I’m the same way, but when it comes to how funny I think something would be, and how funny almost everyone else thinks it would be…discretion is the true part of valor, sadly.

(Having been a Boy Scout, I have to admit, the only time I was truly comfortable sleeping on a camp-out was the one time I slept in the open air, outside of a tent, on some grass and clover. In retrospect, subconsciously that may have been why I said that. Literal pun, but possibly also a good night’s rest. I dunno, I’m a weird guy).


#1078

Anyway, this is a joke. My son knocked on my door, and gave it to me on a piece of note paper. He had hand-written it, and specifically asked me to share it with you silly people. It was written by the great Leigh Mercer in 1948.

I am sad to say, it is a limerick.

The equation, below, is what I consider to be the title:

mercer%20limerick


A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.


#1079

Is it sad that I had to calculate the sides to see of they matched before I could read the limerick?


#1080

No. I had to do that before I read the limerick, too. It annoyed the hell out of my son.

Or rather, maybe there’s something wrong with both of us?


#1081

For the Brits (I have no idea if this was a thing in the US).

My grandparents names were Pearl and Dean.

We just called them grandma and grandpapapapapapapaa.


#1082

And, of course, all I could hear was the jingle. :smile:

Aside: I use Plex for my local media server (Films off hard drive to telly) and I use pre-credits roll - it is the good old Pearl and Dean trailer from the 70’s!


A man goes to the barbers and asks for his hair to be cut just like David Beckham’s. As the barber cuts the hair the customer falls gently to sleep…

When he wakes he is completely bald.

“BARBER! DAVID BECKHAM’S HAIR DOESN’T LOOK LIKE THIS!”

…and the barber replied…

“It would if he came here.”

(Many thanks to Lenny Henry for the joke!)


#1083

I’m clueless, this was not a thing here. But I would like to be enlightened!


#1084