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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?


#1025

Now they’re …

… banned on the run!


#1026

Ah, Wings. The band the Beatles could have been. (credit to Alan Partridge).


#1027

Oh godammit no. @bruitist you are officially the closest to being actually banned this month!

(It’s the 1st, yes, try not to worry about it.)

(EDIT: boo @FunkJem. That’s all you get. Booo.)


#1028

A neutrino goes into a bar. The bartender says, “What will you have?” The neutrino says, “nothing. I’m just passing through.”


#1029

What do you call crystal clear urine?
1080p


#1030

Heard this joke recently and thought I would share it. If you don’t know who the Swedish chef is from the muppets it probably won’t make sense, sorry.

What did the Swedish Chef say when he found out his girlfriend was pregnant?
A-bort-bort-bort.

Now the dirties joke my mom ever told me.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A pig fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
The pig got washed off.

I used to have to leave the room when my dad started telling dirty jokes and those jokes were what my mom would tell me when I would say I wanted to hear his dirty jokes…I fell for it on multiple occasions. I wasn’t the smartest kid I guess.


#1031

Just thought of this one.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who had a very nice bucket
He used it so long
He knew it was wrong
So he said guess I’ll just buy a new one

I spoiler blurred the worst parts. :rofl:


#1032

Those were the best parts (hurr hurr)


#1033

@bil4short Congratulations, I believe, against all expectations, that was the first neutrino joke here!

Almost no one noticed!


#1034

Well played sir!


#1035

Two behaviorists have sex. One turns to the other and says, “That was good for you; how was it for me?”


#1036

Speaking of neutrinos, let it never be said physicists (and astrophysicists, such as myself) don’t have a sense of humour:

S.N.O.: Sudbury Neutrino Observatory
W.I.M.P.s: Weakly Interacting Massive Particles
M.A.C.H.O.: MAssive Compact Halo Objects
C.A.N.G.A.R.O.O.: Collaboration between Australia and Nippon for a GAmma Ray Observatory in the Outback
G.A.D.Z.O.O.K.S.!: Gadolinium Antineutrino Detector Zealously Outperforming the Old Kamiokande, Super!

And so on…


#1037

I accidentally posted this in the introduction thread lol…
I browse around too much!

A Norm Mcdonald joke I love:
Forget everything you know about bread.
Did you?

Now let me tell you about my incredible new invention:
Bread.


#1038

@Sagantine I got that right away, but when I told it to my son and his fiancee, they didn’t get it.

Norm has an foundation of “funny” that I think goes beyond “jokes,” he can say stuff that makes other comedians laugh. A lot of it sails over the heads of his audience (and, to be perfectly honest, a lot of it just doesn’t work). But despite his squinty-eyed delivery, I do think Macdonald has a solid understanding of the craft of comedy.

Seriously, he should teach a class.


#1039

Yeah, I’ve never been able to get a laugh out of that joke, but I think that it is an extremely, primeordially funny idea. Norm also has a very specific voice and delivery that is makes terrible terrible jokes just work.


#1040

I thought that was funny as hell, myself. It does all the things a good gag needs. Kind of like a magic trick, it sets up and misdirects you from the flourish/punchline.

OK back to jokes!


If you’re not part of the precipitate, you’re part of the solution.


(You’ve all seen this one before, surely)

Optimist: glass half full
Pessimist: glass half empty
Chemist: glass has 50% gas and 50% liquid
Engineer: glass was designed incorrectly


(this is actually the t-shirt I’m wearing right now)

Want to talk about potassium?
K.


#1041

The ever increasing size of board game boxes is getting ridiculous. I just bought one that doubles as the entrance to a room made of its expansions, it’s called Splendoor.

Board games are getting too gruesome, I just played one about familial cannibalism: Munchkin

Which board game makes sure there’s no air left around once you’ve played it? Flux


#1042

Goddamit @SamLR when was the last time you were banned?


(This is a potentially derailing “aside,” I’m so sorry everyone: out of curiosity Sam, the Fluxx joke, was that coming more from a welding or soldering background? If you have any advice on either, I’d appreciate some tips here, I do both, but it’s hard to find people locally who know how to do it well).


#1043

You need to get the Back To The Future expansion, as that gives you extra Flux Capacitors


#1044

Am planning an Xmas design, just checking it resonate with Food Chain Magnate people…any feedback welcome…