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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?


#1


Victory Points! For People Who Have Made Their Own Meeples
This is not a joke but my pet dog eats cat food
[PBF] Codenames 4 - Tinker, Taylor, Dunce, Fool
Watcha Wearin'? (Stuff about Watches...plus the Occasional Diversion.)
#2

(I know this could be bad. I’m not sure it was a good idea to start this topic. But I’ll feed it some fuel, nonetheless.)

There was a statistician, an engineer, and a physicist, hunting ducks in a blind.
They saw a duck.
The physicist shot, but his shot was high.
The engineer shot, but her shot was low.
The statistician yelled out, “We got it!


A Zen monk went up to the hotdog vendor and said, “Make me one with everything!”
(Bonus points for anyone who volunteers the follow-up for that one).

EDIT: OK, it’s 6/2018, no one gets bonus points:

The monk hands the vendor, a Confucian, a $20. The monk says, “Where’s my change?”
The Confucian vendor says “Change comes from within.”


I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Unlike all his screaming passengers.


The 60’s Batman theme song, as sung in my chemistry class: “Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium, Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium …”


The past, present, and future walk into a bar. The bartender says, “How tense!”


(I need to thank my son for those last two).


If you don’t “get” the title of this sub-forum, click on the ellipsis, above in the forum description.
If you still don’t get it, send me a PM, because you would be a blast to talk with.


#3

On the news this morning it was reported that FedEx and UPS are in merger talks. If it goes through, the new company will be called Fed UP.


#4

It took me a few moments of thinking about it to get the title, but it I got it. And I am filled with wrath. The only way I can convey this is to reply to you with the worst joke I know!

A string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender tells the string, “Sorry we don’t serve strings here. You’ll have to leave.” So the string leaves and goes into the alley twists itself around and scuffs up both of its ends. It goes back into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender looks at the string and says “Hey, aren’t you that string that was just in here?” And the string replies…

“No sir, I’m a frayed knot.”


#5

@Boydesian If I was a mod, you would be so banned from this subforum right now ;p

@Pravikun Gwaaaah! That hurt me, physically.

Somehow I know this thread will eventually degrade to being only achingly bad puns, and possibly also terrible limericks. Speaking of which:

There once was a lass of low class
who had the most beautiful ass.
Not round and pink
(as you probably think)
but with long ears, grey hair, and ate grass


#6

So a family is moving to a new apartment. They’re all out of boxes and they’re trying to figure out where to put this horrible antique doll no-one likes but it belonged to a dead grandmother. So they had to keep it. First they tried the box full of CDs … no room. Then they try the box full of stuffed animals … completely stuffed. Then they tried the miscellaneous box. They were about to give up when they realized there was a brick in the box for no reason. So they tossed the brick out the window, packed up, and moved out.


#7

So two guys duck under a bar.


#8

Oooh! I want to tell my favorite knock knock joke. Someone else start.


#9

@Gwathdring You’re going to be a problem, aren’t you? ;p


#10

The sheriff walks into the bar, all dour and stormy. Orders a whiskey, straight. Everyone waits, tension building.

Finally someone calls out “Look, Sheriff, I don’t get it–where’s the punchline?”

The Sheriff glares over, the fire of a long day cleaning up other people’s messes giving bleak smoke to his voice

“Son, you think this is some kinda joke?”


#11

(Everyone: Addressing my own limerick comment, I’m pretty sure this community can come up with something funny in iambic pentameter. Original, not the “Thrift Shop” mod.)


#12

Three people walk into a bar. The first orders a whiskey. The second orders a beer. The third says “ow.”

The bartender looks up at the third customer and says “You’re looking for the place next door.”

The customer thanks the bartender, and goes out. A few moments later there’s a loud metallic clang.


#13
Three people walk into a bar. The first orders a whiskey. The second orders a beer. The third says "ow."

The bartender looks up at the third customer and says “You’re looking for the place next door.”

The customer thanks the bartender, and goes out. A few moments later there’s a loud metallic clang.

Jokes about jokes are awesome! Sometimes not everyone gets them if they haven’t learned the original, but I’m pretty sure no one’s worried here about saying “I don’t get it.” The recursive nature of these kind of gags is a blast.

A man walks into a bar with a magic bottle, rubs it, and a million ducks come out. The bartender says, “so you didn’t want the ten inch pianist?”


#14
Oooh! I want to tell my favorite knock knock joke. Someone else start.
That is going to replace my previous favorite (I'm sorry, everyone's probably heard it, it's an oldie): "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interu..." "MOOO!!!"

#15

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar one at a time.

The first says “I’ll have a pint.”

The second says “I’ll have half a pint.”

The third says “I’ll have a quarter of a pint.”

This carries on for a while until the bartender says “You’re all idiots.” and pours two pints.


#16

…must have been a gender-neutral bartender, because ze knows dichotomy


#17

Little Billy took a drink,
but now he’ll drink no more.
'Cause what he thought was H2O,
was H2SO4.


#18
Oooh! I want to tell my favorite knock knock joke. Someone else start.
That is going to replace my previous favorite (I'm sorry, everyone's probably heard it, it's an oldie): "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interu..." "MOOO!!!"

My favorite thing about my favorite knock knock joke is that if you say it with with enough enthusiasm at the right speed, people don’t even think about it before they say “Knock Knock” and then you say “Who’s There” and then either they suddenly get it and quickly whip out an actual knock knock joke or there’s an awkward pause.

:smiley:


#19
Oooh! I want to tell my favorite knock knock joke. Someone else start.
That is going to replace my previous favorite (I'm sorry, everyone's probably heard it, it's an oldie): "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interu..." "MOOO!!!"

My favorite thing about my favorite knock knock joke is that if you say it with with enough enthusiasm at the right speed, people don’t even think about it before they say “Knock Knock” and then you say “Who’s There” and then either they suddenly get it and quickly whip out an actual knock knock joke or there’s an awkward pause.

:smiley:

There is always an awkward pause whenever I’m presented with a Knock-Knock joke in person. :wink:


#20

A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?” Thank you! Thank you! Don’t forget to tip the waitstaff! :stuck_out_tongue:

Later addition: In keeping with the bar theme; A neutron sits at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender slides one over to him and the neutron, reaching for his wallet, asks what he owes. The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”