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I'm Out of the Box! (A safe place for gaymers)

Umm, there was an informal LGBTQ mixer right after the diversity panel on Sunday?

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Ah, I figured there might be! I was off having Thanksgiving by then. I hope the mixer went well. Sorry I couldn’t be there.

Remember, wherever we are, if there’s more than one of us, it’s a Convention. Even if it’s a tiny one.

Or at least I hope there is, because I think that would be super cool.

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Does anyone still want to talk about this?

I’m very glad I started it…

(even though reading it back… do you know how things that you have written sound weird when you read it again months later? Hell, I started this in 2016? I can hardly recognize my handwriting and voice from back then. Still agree with the purpose and what I said, though, it’s just like someone bolder and sexier said it, occasionally. I was almost most certainly handsomer in 2016, maybe).

…and would like to talk about it more if you all want to, but otherwise I’ll close this topic, soon (not quite yet, just soon. Just let it go, eventually, right?)

I like to see other people talking about LGBTIQ issues here, but because I do it on a daily basis in the real world to validate myself to the general public I don’t often have the energy to do it online… if that makes sense.

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That totally makes sense.

I used to volunteer for The Harvey Milk Festival we have every year here, and once even got to speak at the keynote, but it can get so tedious after a while.

You don’t want real-life to mess with doing things that are supposed to be fun.


Wow, right when I wrote that, I just realized this was something I wanted to find out when I made this topic. “You don’t want real-life to mess with doing things that are supposed to be fun.”

Holy cow, thanks @Hammond. It was right there the whole time, I just couldn’t see it.

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I am here to help you to discover yourself!

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I can tell you the meaning of life, if you want! It’s only two words, but I honestly think it’s better if someone comes around to it the long way.

No! You can’t close this thread yet, I’m so new and so militant!
I think queer* spaces are crucial regardless of your hobby, so I’m definitely here for discussions about how queerness can translate to gaming, as well as larger issues surrounding the community.

*I appreciate that some people aren’t fond of the term queer, but personally I find solace in it, and now more than ever, I want non-cis and people whose sexual orientations don’t fit the typical LGB+ labels are all welcome, as they should be. For example, I’m a gay cis man, but I am sexually attracted to masculine-coded people, be they men with penises, men with vaginas, masculine-leaning non-binary people, so yeah, much easier to just call myself gay/Queer haha.

Anyway, my name is Ash, and it’s nice to meet all of you :smiley:

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Hey Ash! I’m happy you found this! Scroll up and skim down to get an idea, this has been here since 2016 and I think it’s evolved slightly (not too much).

I did want this to be how people can cope with the vast majority of hetero-normative games and their own non-hetero-normative selves, but obviously it’s pretty dammed flexible. We go way off-topic a lot.

I would still like to talk about games as they apply to the rest of us.

I am back here to revive this topic. It’s been quiet here a little too long.


I am gaming with a group of (now) five other players (six, including me, I often forget to include myself in a head-count).

Not a single one of us is “straight,” and it’s getting complicated. There are 3 in a polyamerous situation (2 trans engaged to each other, male and female, and a cis bi male who is a “boyfriend” to the trans-male), my own weird self, and a cis young lady I don’t know a lot about, yet. We added her to the game group from my son knowing her from ALSO, a local youth leadership organization for LGBTI youths (or LGBTQ, or LGBTIQ, or LGBT+, seriously, I’m getting sick of this alphabet soup).

The thing is, she’s just a teenager, and the rest of us are 21-46 years old (yes, fine, I’m the old fart, I’m over twice the age of the rest of our members).

She’s a typical loud teen, always on her phone, and highly opinionated about things she knows nothing about. But, when we got serious with Catacombs, she kicked some serious butt and had a lot of great strategic input. We all think she’s a good candidate for being a regular member.

She’s a smart kid, and I want to make her feel welcome, but I don’t want the rest of our group (including me) be creepy or weird around this 14-year-old kid. Some of us drink (not if they’re driving), some of us smoke (tobacco! Maybe greener things, but not when I’m around and not if they’re driving. Or, if they’re not around, and I’m not driving), so this is a complicated issue.

A group of grown-ups (mostly young grown-ups), hanging out with a teenager. We all have hard-to-categorize sexuality. I don’t want to kick this kid out, she’s made inroads with the other ALSO members and might benefit from being part of a group she can trust.

As I am unofficially primus inter pares (“first among equals,”) I could use a word of anyone’s advice for my group.

  1. Ask the group if it’s cool.
  2. Talk to the parent/ guardian to see if it’s cool.
  3. Put in place some kind of system where they can immediately and unequivocally let everyone know if something isn’t cool.

By even asking the question you’ve revealed that you need an answer for it, and you’re probably not the only one who would enjoy The clarity.

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  1. The group is cool (that’s how this whole thing started)
  2. Parents (surprisingly OK with us)
  3. That, I think, you nailed. This kid is loud and forthright, though, and the other members are also (mostly) pretty open with their feelings, and whether or not something is off or makes them uncomfortable.

Thanks. It seemed pretty obvious, but sometimes you need a second opinion before you can feel right about carrying on.

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(As an addendum, some kind of way of contacting you privately away from the group. Some things are cool at the time, but not cool in hindsight.)

This post is sponsored by the word cool.

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The new member is the only contact I don’t have, but that’s a great idea. I keep forgetting to do stuff like that (which is shocking. I network for my job! But I forget to do stuff like that in my personal life.)

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Maybe get more of her peers in?

Not really sure what to say tbh. kids are weird and don’t really have the crutches of old people when things get messy and can swing all over the place. Their confidence is almost always misplaced in my view - in the sense that perpetually people will look back on how much better they are compared to now.

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(And guardians contact details. People disclose things they’re unhappy with in so many different ways.)

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As far as I know, her peers are (what I consider to be) my kids (my 22 year old son and his friends, EDIT: also my 8 year old and his friends, I can’t leave them out), anyway my older son and friends, who are all much older (relatively for that age, 6-8 years older, but 14-year-olds can be shockingly impressive). We’re still working on the logistics.

We already have the contacts deets. I may be clueless with people and social situations, but I’m also a dad, have been for 22 years (as far as I know), and I know how to dad.

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I think hanging out with your family and friends is probably one of the best things that can happen to her, I’d imagine there could be other groups of older, ‘cool’ people that wouldn’t be half as considerate and responsible as you guys.
With regards to alcohol, I’d just ask her if it’s okay for her to witness you consuming, while making it crystal clear that she won’t be allowed to participate.
That’s a problem that would mitigate itself over time here in Germany where she would be legally able to get her own beer in less than two years time, in the US with your strict laws, I can see that it could be a potential issue for years to come.

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Tonight, we went through 4 rounds of Epic Spell Wars™ of the Battle Wizards: Duel at Mt. Skullzfyre and a round of Boss Monster (with most of the expansions in the box) with the group, and she brought her little sister (13). Holy cow, these kids are sharp.

They targeted me (but everyone does that when we play competitive games), and then they focused the other more experienced gamers, before battling each other and whoever was left.

We didn’t get a lot of time to discuss heavy issues, it was all about the games.

I like these kids, I hope that, through gaming, I can get to learn more about who they are. They are both intense, smart, and focused gamers, and really brought a lot of energy to game night. This was a really great session, and I hope we can do it again.

As for the booze, or (redacted) medical inhaleables, while everyone else in the group is of-age, honestly, no one likes it very much. Seriously, kids today, what’s wrong with them? This may be the most sober game group I’ve been a part of since high-school.

It’s still early, though. Hopefully I can get to know the new members through conversation in between game interaction. I’ve known most of the others for years, and I almost understand them. In another 10 years, I suppose, I’ll almost understand all of them.