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I have created new life! ... Oh shit, I'm a parent now


#82

Preschool could mean around 2-4 in the states at the time (about 20 years ago, I guess. We didn’t have to do it for our younger guy, we had then-unemployed-me, and a flowing cache of stored mommy milk when he was a baby, and then the Montessori school his mom was working at when he was older).

Still feeding? And you left your child there? You monster! :sweat_smile: JK, adults have to work, and it sucks.

I had to do that, too. You’d think leaving him with relatives rather than a stranger would be better, but I know my relatives, quite well, and it was often a toss-up.


#83

I’m currently in parental leave, but my job is working in a daycare (which around here is 3 month to 3 year old). I swear, swear that for the most part, the kid is crying for as long as he can see you, and then he goes right into playing, or comes get a hug.
At the same time, it feels horrible to have to pry away (because I can’t think of any other word!) a child from his parent’s arm, because they have to go work. And then holding then when they want to rush to the door to scream. Happy time! And of course, you have to welcome every child, but everyone is coming more or less at the same time, so sometime that means talking with a parent when three other kids are screaming.
But it is not the norm, usually, it is a pretty sweet job. The only think is after they go to school, you’re dead to them! When I meet one on the street, they usually shy away behind their parents. Dammit, Wendy i changed your diapers and we played together for three year, I assure you, you know me !


#84

My wife has run a day care for 12+ years and I concur, parents making a big when dropping of the child just re-enforces with the kid that making a fuss works. I’ve also seen parents almost purposely trying to get a response out of the kid just so they can feel better?


#85

That certainly sounds extremely likely. My “daycare” is provided by a friend of ours on some days and the other days, by my in-laws; as a result, my intention is to leave in whatever way makes for a happy daughter, regardless of how difficult it is for me. It’s a shame that not everybody would naturally do that for their own children :disappointed_relieved:


#86

Same at schools. I can confirm that as soon as the parents are gone, the children are fine.


#87

Toddlers are fickle. My daughter has recently completely flipped her affections completely in favour of me rather than her Mummy. Which is quite nice, if sometimes exhausting. I fully expect a further reversal in due course.


#88

Well I feel like I have to say that, no matter what the parents do, sometime it will just be hard for the kid. I have in my head one mom who did everthing she could to get her toddler to stop crying when coming (and staying) at the daycare. She wanted to get a job back. But the kid would cry and scream for the entire time he was with us. Like,hours of screaming until he puked or had no voice. It was heartbreaking. And the worse was to say to the mom how it went. Of we could get him to be quiet or interested for a few linutes, it was a big win ! I’m sure we could have gone somewhere, but one time it was the dad who came to pick him up. And he was so upset to see his son like this that he decided that his wife will stay home(well maybe it was mutual I don’t know)


#89

Our son screamed like anything when being dropped off. It was horrible.

We changed the narrative - everytime we went, we said ‘Ill go to preschool then, you go back home’. Amazingly changed his attitude overnight


#90

I learnt early on never to bluff about anything with our oldest - she’d call us on it a lot of the time. Every threat I use is proportional and guaranteed to be carried out if it’s clear she understands and continues doing or not doing whatever caused me to make the threat.

Reading that back, I sound a bit pompous. It’s actually really hard. Trying to come up with something that she’ll care about, that I can carry out, and that is reasonable and proportional, when she absolutely has to do the thing and doesn’t want to… it’s not easy. Especially when all the advice says carrot and stick approaches are bad, and that you should teach intrinsic motivation instead of extrinsic, but you really need to get the thing done…


#91

(Daughter’s half is translated from the Japanese, but odd words in quotes and my half is in English)

“After I go to daycare, after I take a bath, after I wake up…”
“You mean tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow’. After I go to daycare, after I take a bath, after I wake up… it’s a ‘holiday’ and not daycare?”
“That’s right”
“Let’s buy a snack and buy a pizza and eat the pizza and play a game”
“OK”
“Yay. I told mama that we’d buy a snack and buy a pizza and eat the pizza but I didn’t tell her about the game, so you have to tell mama about the game, OK?”
“OK”
“Good”
“Now put your clothes on”

On the one hand, she sets her sights so low! On the other hand, she’s actively looking forward to spending 20 minutes playing a board game, days in advance!