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I have created new life! ... Oh shit, I'm a parent now


#41

I don’t know, not since each were actual tiny babies and we had to be really quiet (and honestly, where’s the fun in that?)


#42

Being sick with kid is the worse ! The worst (for me anyway) was that I always became sick after my kids, so it was Kid 1, kid 2, me, my partner( who’s working) . Awful, would not recommend.
For sex, if the baby was asleep, it was fine for us as long as we didn’t make to much noise. Not the best, but we couldn’t see any other way. But she was in her bed, we never had sex with her in our bed. For us, the best way we found was scheduled sex. Which sounds awful but can be fun if you plan it right. It was something to look forward to when the baby was insuferable, just seeing a little heart on the family calendar would put a smile on my face. We would so everything like a big date night, either we would make plan for the babies to be kept at someone else room, or we would put them in another room, and as soon as they were asleep, we would have dinner, a little booze, and to the bedroom. It was a godsent time for adult in the sea of baby concern. It’s absolutly not perfect, one of them could wake up, but for the time when they did not have some kind of regular sleep schedule, it was the best.


#43

(Warning, youngsters: these are real things that parents do to keep themselves sane and happy and in love (and possibly provide you with a younger sibling). Almost no one talks about it in front of their kids, or often even to other parents. If you feel grossed out, find another topic, or go watch a Youtuber’s or Twitcher’s livestream “Let’s Play” on your phone or something, dammed millennials).


#44

@Cokho actually, when me or my partner were sick, that was the easiest. We could “quarantine” ourselves off “to keep the kid from catching it.” (Fever, not puking or major-snot sick. It actually helps you to get some sleep, even if it means the other one’s going to get sick next).

Or vice-versa if the kid was sick, whatever, it was a good excuse to keep the kid in his room and out of ours.

(Although when the kids were really sick, I spent a lot of time next to their bed with a bucket and a towel and a wet face cloth, so that doesn’t always work).


#45

“Quarantine” may have been the case with our first, but three seems too much for one parent, especially with the twins still needing 24/7 attention. So the sick parent still has to put in the shifts, and it’s no good for anyone.

On the other topic, maybe you guys are better at scheduling than us, We’ve resorted to under a long shirt, behind the kitchen counter… there are literally no moments when all three of them are asleep and we are both still conscious. Where’s the fun in that? Well, it’s better than nothing…


#46

I’m sorry for you, it sounds like you’re having a bad time. Having one baby is complicated enough, I can not imagine how hard it is with newborn twins. And, as easy it is to say, please hang in there. Try to keep your head over water, or at least to find short time to find breath. Nobody can push us past our limits like our kids can, so please be safe. If you do not have anyone to give the babies to when it becomes to hard, remember that it is better to put them behind a close door, (in a safe place) so they can cry their heart out; than to harm them in your anger (I swear, i was never more scared of myself than at three am, trying to make my first born to stop yelling and thinking I’m going to throw her out of the window and realizing with horror the next second that I was actually thinking it, and that it was not a joke).
I love them more than anything, but it can be sometime too much for one couple to deal with. Hang tight, I wish it gets better for you :heart:


#47

Thanks. Hey, no worries about anger issues. I’m one of the least angry people I’ve ever met =P

It’s actually harder to stay calm when the oldest is acting up. Babies are just babies, but yet another tantrum over dinner is hard to accept. I know she’s just starved for attention though, and she’s coping well enough. She enjoys daycare (aikido! philosophy! tennis! making stuff! honestly, Japanese daycare is great), we still play together, and I read to her every night.

It is true that it’s tough with our nearest relative 1,000+ km away, and the culture doesn’t allow for asking friends to babysit. It’s just us two, 24/7. I think we’re coping OK though. It helps that my job is easy and just 9 to 5. It’s much tougher for my wife, but I do what I can to share the load.


#48

It must be rough without family around. My brother-in-law and his family are coming by to visit for Golden week. So we will be on “watch the niece while him and the misses sneak off to a love hotel for a few hours” duty. Our niece is at the perfect age for doing interesting things; she is yet to aquire a screen addiction. So it’s really a win win situation. We get to do things with the niece and they get to have fun with each other.


#49

Any other ASD parents high 5?

We have an 8-year-old son who has very recently (January of this year) been diagnosed with ASD. He’s very “high-functioning” and verbal, which I think partly explains how he slipped under the radar for so long. Right now we are dealing with the initial stages of assessment, dealing with the school, dealing with insurance, and trying to figure out how, and who, to tell about it, and when, and so on.


#50

First off I gotta say thank thank you for the quotes on “high funtioning”
Welcome to the club :slight_smile:

Once a diagnosis is in hand it hits hard. It feels like suddenly your in this race that you didn’t know was going on.

A lot of services depend on your state. And the state/school relationship. A big help has been a local parent group, because a lot of things you have to specially request to get, and its hard to get that info.
For example
Me n hubbys state, it doesn’t matter if you have a medical diagnosis, schools do their own screening, and you need to request it. And those results don’t always match up.
Things I recommended (which I know you might have already done, but I kinda go into this mode)
1 request a hard copy of diagnosis of autism, this can be written by your childs primary because once diagnosed its a matter of their medical record. Its litterally on a RX form childs name ASD.
Its super handy when filling out forms and it asks proof of diagnosis, bam! We scanned copies to attach to emails and put the originals away. I also try to take on trips in case of emergencies.

Speaking of emails I try to do as much conversing with disability services or teachers because then you have a hard copy of what said will be done, that you can reference it.

Already said, but other parents are valuable. I recommend contacting the Autism society of your state. They might know of parent groups for your area.
I got the paperwork for our oldest diagnosis 4 years ago today. Feeling a little nostalgic.


#52

2 kids here - daughter nearly 5 and son nearly 3.

The son had undiagnosed reflux for 1st 18 months of his life (he never actually vomited it up but would wake screaming and be inconsolable for hours) so I really don’t know how I managed to hold down a job (starting a new job at that!) when I was getting maybe 4 hours sleep a night, often in two bites.

Red Bull sales went up, I can tell you…


#53

My caffeine budget went up by 700% with each. Thank god I wasn’t the one doing breastfeeding, I never would have made it without Rockstar and Red Bull.

Six months of non-stop crying for the first (and the baby cried constantly, too, it wasn’t just me). I was f-ing clueless, we both had jobs (his mom and I, my baby STILL doesn’t have a job, that freeloader, he’s 22 now!)

I’m glad to say he survived our incompetence.

The second son had to be in the car when he was an infant (driving) (EDIT: I meant while I was driving! He was too short to reach the pedals), or in the stroller (rolling, me pushing), or in this one exact spot on my left shoulder (rocking or walking) when his mom wasn’t there. I worked lawn and landscaping with my brother for years, I swear I never had as much cardio or used as much gas as I did when his mom was at work.

(He also doesn’t have a job. He’s 8 and 1/4 now, that freeloader!)

For a while, I had a screaming baby teenager and an infant at the same time. I thought I was done when the older one was about to hit 18, but life likes to kick you in the ass when you get complacent.

They both like to hug me for no reason when I don’t expect it. So, yeah. WORTH IT. I gotta be doing something right for that.


#54

When my daughter was born, I was working graveyard shifts at the time. From 1 year old till she started kindergarten I was sleeping around 3-4 hours a day except on weekends.
Midnight till Noon: At work.
1pm - 4~5pm : Sleep
5pm - 11pm : Family time
11pm - 12pm : Get ready for work and commute.


#55

With both of my kids: That kind of schedule got me fired, more than once, at jobs I had worked at for years (I was also taking classes).

You really do have to figure out a way to take care of yourself. I thought that because I had RESPONSIBILITY, that was all I had to do, and it hurt me. I didn’t know how to ask for help.

When I did figure it out (and then figured it out again) I think I added another decade or two to my life.


#56

Pointless gripe:

Every time I research anything about (baby) parenting, so much text is devoted to “enjoy this special bonding moment” or similar, and it drives me up the wall. We have two of them, and a third who needs even more attention! We don’t have the time or energy or ability to enjoy special one-on-one bonding moments when monitoring their milk levels, we just needed to know what angle it is safe to prop them up at when they have bottles stuck in their mouths! We don’t need tips on how to hold them and engage them and devote all our attention to them when bottle feeding! It ain’t an option!

Yeah, I know I should preface every search with “twins”, but still…

On a lighter note(?) a recent series of conversations with my daughter have all started with:
“what if I punch … ?”

the orangutan
“well, the orangutan will pull your head off”
“right off? like this?”
“yes”

Kouki (her brother)
“we’ll shut you in the downstairs closet”
“outside the house?”
“no, inside”
“oh, that’s OK, I can open that door”
“no, we’ll bar the door”
“so I can’t get out?”
“that’s right”
“in the dark?”
“yes”
“that sounds scary, I suppose I’d better not punch Kouki”


#57

Oh man am I delighted to see that this is a topic/thread! As a parent of a very soon to be 1 year old girl it is awesome to read some of these good and not so good experiences! I’M NOT ALONE!

First up, being a parent is class but exhausting.

Two, in the vein of things that people say that don’t make sense when you have a child:
‘Make sure you sleep when they sleep’ - I mean really? If I did that there would be nothing done in the house etc. I mean it would be amazing if I could, just need to get a butler I guess.


#58

We’ve found with our 17-month old that “sleep when they sleep” is valuable again. I think initially at the newborn phase, it’s important to get enough sleep when you can. At one point when our daughter was a newborn, she was averaging waking up about 10 times a night (record was set at 12 in one night); so we definitely slept whenever we could (during the day, night and everything between).

Now that she’s 17-months, she’s never not active. It is exhausting trying to keep up with her as she runs around the house playing with literally anything that’s not a toy. So, yeah, on weekends when she’s down for a nap, we eschew chores in favor of naps of our own. If she’ll nap for longer than an hour on the weekends, we can then usually grab a quick nap before starting on trying to put all the things back where they belong and get started on some chores.


#59

I will add the from well meaning family " they isn’t anything they can break that the other kids haven’t already!"
My oldest at 2 “challenge accepted!”
And yes he found something

I miss naps.
Sleep while they sleep. But its such a handy time to
Bath
Eat
Clean-because my kids will find that crusty rice chex and hand it to me while we are skyping.

We are trying melatonin for our youngest. He doesn’t fall asleep well in the summer months, and the later hes up the earlier he wakes.
I feel bad complaining about that when I have asd parent friends who are like “kiddo slept from 1 to 4 am last night! Isnt that awesome?” Non sarcastic.
Tho longer he stays up the more climbing and jumping, striping naked, n peeing. In any order.


#60

I’m two days in and will record my experiences below for prosperity.

Goodness it’s cute. Unlike all other babies, which just look like babies this one seems genuinely adorable. What a fluke.
Why won’t you get your hands out of the way and let mum feed you?
Why won’t you go to sleep?
Why won’t you wake up and let mum feed you?
No really, it’s much easier to feed if you don’t have your hands in your mouth.
Screaming at your mom also doesn’t make it easier to feed. You have to suck.
Don’t fall asleep holding the baby don’t fall asleep holding the baby don’t fall…

Who knew there were so many hours in a day?


#61

Yeah, F that ! If the only way I can sleep is with baby on me, I’m sleeping with the baby on me.
For our first one, it was our only way of getting more than an hour of sleep. I remember holding her against me tighly enough in the middle of the bed, putting pillow in both side, my wife finally sleeping, and me looking at that damn baby who wouldn’t sleep, and how mad it made- ho wow she’s sleeping… And then realizing I’ve never loved anything so much in my life.
I think having her asleep on me was part the worst and part the best of her being an infant. I actually am tearing up a little…
damn i think i want a third one