I am not a naturally punchy bloke. I will gradually expand into what little is owed me, and just curl up like a peaceful echidna. I will be a small, sweet little ball of spikes.
All this talk of war, and the increasing number of knights pouring into the breadbasket of our nation is concerning.
Mind you, anyone who somehow steals any of my holdings from under the watchful noses of my Blackwater Bay fleet will then have to hold them from the exact same fleet. Like I said, a spiny little echidna.
(Plus, I’ll get my fool to teach them a lesson in manners.)
(I may look the juicer target, but my aftertaste is bitter as shit. Unlike echidnas, which actually taste alright.)
You’ll notice how my influence on the latest cabinet reshuffle has favoured yourself and your Brother Squid relative to our Southern neighbours.
There are two reasons for this; the relative weakness of your current positions is a factor, but the most important one is the small amount of trust I will have to place in you for the short term.
I will help you where I can, and would appreciate the same for me. Any talk of alliance or even lasting friendship is just going to be bullshit, so that will have to do from me.
I’m not going to be able to help you much more than I have, because while I appreciate your ongoing commitment to coastal pest management, I don’t want to irritate any wolves. Especially not wolves who have you on the ropes.
That soft, green underbelly looks delicious, doesn’t it?
Mine’s all gross and yellow and covered in indigestible spiny warfleets. You’re absolutely right; you don’t want to eat something like that.
Something fat and juicy and flavoured with rosewater would be more to your palette.
- Barry Baratheon, Devourer of Ants, etc.